Sermonizing in progress (Genesis 24 thoughts that didn't make the cut)

I love that when you take time to sit with scripture, all kinds of details start to emerge that you may not otherwise notice. When we read these stories--simple or not--we need to ask ourselves, "Why was this story included in the scriptures? What is in here that was important enough to remember?"

The great thing about preaching occasionally is that you have plenty of time to let your thoughts simmer. The down side, however, is that every time I read this story, different details pops out and it's hard to decide...

•  It's really interesting to look through children's Bibles to see which stories get left out, which ones are considered too boring or difficult for kids, or, better yet, which parts in the Bible make good stories.
  ...unfortunately, I think Christians tend to do that with the Old Testament. We'll keep a few Psalms around for comfort (like the 23rd) but we avoid genealogies like the plague, mostly ignore the prophets, and entirely skip over books like Judges and Numbers... We love the stories--Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, Daniel and the Lion's Den--but too often, we copy-paste the Old Testament stories into our childhood memories and leave them there.
• The first time I read chapter 24, I was enamored by Rebekah's character. Unlike a lot of women in scripture, Rebekah has a name, she speaks, she makes her own decisions...If this scene were a movie, she'd be a Kiera Knightly character. 
• Another beautiful message I find in this text comes from the servants prayer. This random servant who isn't even given a name in this text puts faith in God. In fact, if you read the servant's prayer, he doesn't even connect himself directly to God. The servant says "LORD, God of my master" like the he doesn't have a personal connection there, but he does pray and his prayer is answered. In fact, the servant says the answer appears even before the prayer is over.
       When the servant is later telling the tale, I can just hear the excitement and wonder in his voice: "You're not going to believe what this God did! Before I finished praying in my heart, Rebekah was there." In this story, not only is the servant faithful to Abraham's wishes, but God proves faithful to even this servant. The message here is that God provides. God answers prayers! (granted, I don't think God answers every single prayer with such spectacular drama--and to that end, not all of our prayers should be answered that way--but the core message is here: God cares. God listens. God responds).
• One of the things I noticed was that the camels are well cared for. Rebekah notices them. Waters them. Later when they get to the house of Rebekah's brother, Laban prepares a place for the camels as well as the servant. These details would be easy to leave out, but they're here for a reason. Not to go all ecological on you, but maybe the camels are here to say that creation matters too. People aren't the only ones who need to be cared for...
• When I usually read this text, the camels are the least, the unnoticed, the forgotten. Are there people in this community that we're not noticing? What about visitors? (I'm sorry if you're here for the first time. I'm not trying to call you a camel, but I do want you to be noticed. And welcomed.) Are there demographics, personality types, or certain occupations that we fail to see as people in our daily lives? Cashiers, restaraunt servers, sanitation workers...these people are part of God's creation too.

(Earlier) First impressions:

Dear Summer Church,

You don’t know me yet, but (Surprise!!!) I’m your intern for the summer. I hope you like me. 
No…I hope you’ll love me. I hope that I can be awesome and impressive so that you’ll tell me all about the wonderful pastor I’ll be some day. I need that. I need encouragement. And right now, I feel unworthy.
Short.
Lazy.
Completely undisciplined and unimportant.
(and also kinda like crying)

I’m scared to death of this two paragraph self-introduction because it’ll set the tone for an entire summer. I don’t want to be typical and boring—you’ll never read that—but if I’m too honest and too vulnerable, I won’t sound confident. And you have to be confident to be authoritative. So People say.
(but isn’t honesty much more important to the Christian message? Can’t you lead through vulnerability? ...also, I’m an intern. Should I actually be leading anything at all?)

If I’m being totally honest, I’m trying to impress you. I’m trying to captivate you with my depth and my witty humor. Too much sparkle and I’ll sound fake, so I’m balancing between confidence and humility; humor and serious spirituality;
.....and vulnerability and authority.

Quite frankly, this entire ordeal has left me emotionally exhausted (and slightly longwinded) so I’m just going to say that my name is Emily. I’ll be at your church for ten weeks. You’ll meet me then.

Sincerely Overwhelmed,
     ~The tiny red-head who wants to play preacher

In retrospect: I wrote the above because I was having total writers block. My summer internship church asked for a bio for the newsletter which would introduce myself and also “share some summer goals.” (in two paragraphs!!!!)
After my first draft was lost in cyberspace, (stupid side-button on my husband's mouse) I made the 'mistake' of asking some friends for their opinion on my second copy. 

“It's too vulnerable," they said. "You don’t want to be stereotyped as the funny cute little thing who can't handle authority. This blurb will set the tone for your entire summer. ”(no pressure)

They were right, of course, but it left me in a time crunch with no creative angle and way, waaaaaay more stress. So I word-vomited to cleanse the palate.

(conclusion in retrospect):
If anything, I have realized that I’m fighting against the desire for/temptation to seek approval. What’s the point??Am I off to this church to be loved? or is my purpose to learn and serve? A little tiny voice is whining 'Can't I have both?' but I don't think so. There can be only one master and I'm going into ministry for God. I’m going to have to battle the desire to be liked in order to make sure I’m not serving my vanity this summer.

Sufficient Grace

I'll be honest and admit that I had a hard time getting up when my alarm went off, but I was out of the house by 7:00am. No shoes or makeup, but I figured I could fix those details once I got to the church. To make up for lost time, I decided to drive faster.
                              BUT EVERYTHING WENT WRONG!!!!!

Just when I hit my cruise-control groove on the highway, the road was attacked by construction signs which forced me off my little path of familiar safety and into the dark, winding road of detour (dahn dahn dahhhhn). I had to drive very slowly (behind a garbage truck, mind you) and almost missed several detour signs, despite my vigilance. And then....actually, that's about it for driving drama. (I may have exaggerated a tiny bit when I said that everything went wrong)
I spent most of the hour practicing my offertory prayer and arrived at the church just before 8:00am. Since the service didn't start 'til 8:30, I has plenty of time to blush and mascara my face.
Aglow with the triumphant elation of punctuality, I hopped out of the car, buckled my cute little brown shoes and sashayed into the church. My face clearly said: "Heck yeah I'm the intern! Observe and be awed."
...And I don't mean awe as in cute. (Bitch please, I'm professional!)*
Anyways, the senior grad breakfast was this morning, so I asked the youth pastor if he needed anything.

     (He did)

     (...so I did it.) (see marked parenthetical)*

But I wanted to talk through mic and movement details for the service, so when 8:20 rolled around and the pastor still wasn't in his office, I started asking around.  The conversation went like this:

     Me: "Where's Pastor?
     Person-in-office: "He's probably in the service."

     Me: "Wait...what? When does the service start?"

     PIO: "8:15"

     Me: "Not 8:30??"

     PIO: *awkward silence*

Round-house kick of humility to the face!!!!!

I tried to sneak into the service and slink my way towards the front of the sanctuary, but the head pastor caught my eye and motioned me to join them on the platform. In front of the entire congregation, I walked up the stairs (my face now screaming "I'm late! I'm late! I'm the irresponsible intern who's late!") only to have the associate send me back down the aisle for a mic. It was like retrieving my own scarlet letter during the academy awards. By the time I returned, the hymn was over and the congregation was seated. Trying to look purposeful and casual, I again trudged up the stairs in front of everyone and tried to smile like everything had happened for a purpose.

To crown the morning's glories, the offeratory prayer ended up being after the offering instead of before, so I had to spontaneously revamp my practiced prayer and account for unexpected movement. I took the collection awkwardly from the expectant ushers and held the plates as high as I deemed safe (one in each hand because I didn't think to stack them). While mumbling something into the mic about 'participation in the kingdom now' I was praying feverishly in my heart that (1) I wouldn't drop the plates and (2) the congregation wouldn't notice that my arms were badly shaking.

The shock took a while to wear off and all through the pastoral prayer and the gospel reading, my tremoring legs threatened to overthrow the rest of my body. Standing there, (trying to decide if locking or flexing my knees made the shaking less noticable) I was reminded of Nadab and Abihu in Lev 10 who were killed for bringing the wrong offering into the tabernacle. I remember Dr. APY saying, "God's presence is dangerous. Holiness is dangerous."
It helped that Pastor's sermon this morning was about grace, but the congregation was incredibly forgiving. No one said anything about my late entrance. It's crazy that despite all the stupid things I've done (do), God still calls me to stand before and pray on behalf of God's people. I've decided that leading worship is simultaneously an honor, a terror, and a humbling reminder of how far God is willing to go in order to prove the sufficiency and all-reaching power of grace. I'm not sure that I've ever physically trembled in fear before God, but I hope it's not the last.

P.S.I might need to start lifting weights. Those offering plates are heavy!

First Impressions

The internet is overspread with billions of disembodied voices filling blogs, posting pics, and sitting back, waiting to be liked, expecting to be followed…praying to be noticed. It’s like we extend (suspend) our identities into this hypothetical actuality, hoping that the more room we take up—the more we press ourselves against this transparent, vapid window of cyberspace—somehow, the more we will matter. We hope that we, ourselves, will be MORE because our identities have been pixellated or because our thoughts have been et(h)ernally immortalized...
           The rallying cry of bursts forth from the white-hot core of our I-obsessed culture:
                         "We blog, we tweet, we Google, therefore we matter!!!"

But the ethos is wrong.

Granted, I know a few writers who sparkle with wit and brilliance; bloggers that actually SPEAK into the void and create enlightenment. Certainly, those people say things that matter.

 …I’m just not sure that I’m one of them.

 Quite the contrary, I am a hypocrite seeking to name her temptation (with too many parentheticals).
I, too, have felt the cyber-need to assert my identity and voice my half-thoughts into the resounding echo.

But here, to my surprise, I have found not emptiness, but collection. Organization.
          (like the creation account in Genesis one which patterns itself in seven days)
          (….not to mention the convenience of storing all these thoughts in a neat little cyber-cubby)

 “Where can I flee from your presence?” asks Psalm 139 “I stay up late and you’re there. I go online and you’re there. You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You notice me.”

 Tucked away in the feedback on Genesis one, God says “make them in Our <span>image</span>.”
And then God likes us. That is VERY good.

Perhaps we can encounter God even in (and despite) our vain search for self.

We don't matter because of our blogging.
We matter because we are made.
(Blogging just....keeps our thoughts straight.)