A much-needed letter of affirmation

I had an epiphany today. I got really frustrated/morally disturbed at school and actually voiced my concerns rather than waiting for someone else to. (Which didn’t go over well, much to my chagrin.)

And I thought to myself, I didn’t used to be this way. I haven’t always felt compelled to speak up when I thought something harmful was happening, especially if it meant acting alone. Even with widespread social injustices I would get upset but I would also feel like that’s just the way of the world, so why bother trying to do anything. 

But I think the kingdom of God sermon series changed my perspective. I used to believe my actions didn’t really matter—that whether I acted helpfully or harmfully, the earth was just doomed...and salvation (at some future date) would either take us elsewhere or something. I don’t even know. But my attitude was defeatist at best, regardless of what I thought of the end of days. 

Anyhow, now my working perspective is that salvation has occurred so that the work of creating the kingdom could begin and continue here and now, which means my actions do matter, which means if I see something unjust (including and especially my own behavior), I’m going to feel compelled to call it out or question it or try to change it, which means being engaged with the world, which means being more delighted and more heartbroken, which means feeling more alive.

Huh, just had another thought—is this what it means to be alive in Christ? 

*shrugs*

I realize as I’m writing this that it feels like a journal entry that’s helping me process my emotional state today, so thank you for reading it. 

And I wanted to share how important that series was for me, even though I’m only realizing it now.

Enemies and Ice Chips

I had my day all scheduled out, but an overly-long funeral put me significantly behind.
And then, when I arrived at the ICU to visit my ONE parishioner in the hospital, the nurse told me that I had to wait at least 30 minutes for shift change. I had a friend in town and was supposed to meet up with them, so I was NOT happy.

To make matters worse, this particular patient was someone that I had struggled to love.
My very first week at the church, she had barged into my office with angry opinions and we had been locked in power struggles ever since. She got the better of my temper on a few occasions and, once or twice, I had called her my nemesis. So, of course, I begrudged the inconvenience of that extra time (even blamed her for it, slightly: "of course she would mess up this day for me"--an irrational reaction, but my thought nonetheless).

So I left to get coffee with my friend and stubbornly returned to the hospital ('stubborn' is the right word because my reaction was more like "she is NOT going to win this one. I WILL visit and I'll kill her with kindness because I'm the better person.")    ...

This woman who had been in (my perception) so formidable and bitter and antagonistic... was curled up in a hospital bed and weakly crying out for ice.
And I saw her.
I'm not sure if she knew who I was, but as I sat there singing hymns, I found myself deeply drawn to compassion and love for this child of God.

It was grace for me to sing.
It was grace for me to hold that tiny sponge swab and gently fish one ice chip at a time out of the Styrofoam cup and place it on to her lips. It felt almost sacramental to be sharing such a small and intimate thing with her.

As I sang, I was overcome by the raw knowledge of God's overwhelming love towards this woman. Despite my previous frustration and anger, I saw Christ in her and with her.
It was a moment of tender mercy.

 And my heart was strangely warmed.
(enough to melt some of the ice)

Prayer Stations: Listening to God

When Samuel hears the call of God, his response is "Speak, Lord, your servant is listening." (1 Samuel 3)

Rather than preach an entire sermon about listening to God, I wanted people to try it. To experience and/or practice listening. 

So we worshipped with a series of prayer stations:

Scripture-Speaking. What might God be saying to you? ...choose a scripture and use a stone to mark where you are.

What keeps you from hearing/recognizing God's voice? Put your distractions on the cross--visibly blocking it--then pray for space and remove them  

Open station for creative reflection...

...and several others that I didn't photograph (breath prayer, silent meditation, imaginitive narrative where God calls YOUR name--and you give a written response, communal reflection: "how do YOU listen to God?")

Overall, I think the experience (and response) was good from the congregation. 

In the sanctuary services, most people remained in their seats and focused in the meditation in the bulletin, so my own response from God came when I complained about all the work for the unused stations. "Do you want people to hear you? Or Me?" 

The contemporary service had mason jars and small stones for the scripture-speaking station, so when people chose a scripture, there was an audible 'plink' throughout the room. The sound of filling jars, for me, affirmed that Gods word never comes back empty. (Isaiah 55:11). One worshipped loved the sound because she said it meant that people had found their verse. :) 

It was a lot of work to set up, so if I did this again, I would HAVE to enlist help (meaning more delegating and less procrastination). But that's a resounding theme for almost everything I do...

All Saints Day 2015

Each year, we read the names of church members who've passed away the previous year. It's a beautiful and meaningful tradition, but it still leaves of lots of names (I know several folks in my church grieving family who aren't members of our church and I still think we should remember others who died several years--even centuries--ago. 

So we allowed each person to remember. After recieving communion, the congregation was invited to choose a cross or a dove shape--both symbols of resurrection hope--and write a name or names of those who we hope live in Christ. 

Then we hung them up! 

Gold cord hung around the sanctuary to visibly express that we are surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses:

And in the family life center, we nailed string to room dividers:

I honestly just wanted a quick and simple way to hang the names, but the finished design was really powerful to see:

Which is exactly how it should be. The communion of saints brings the cross into further clarity for us. 

Conviction and prayer

Tomorrow is Florida's turn in the world-round prayer vigil for General Conference.

A lot is happening at General Conference, but the most public conversation concerns questions of inclusion--especially marriage and ordination for LGBQT disciples.
So--of course--as I googled "pray for general conference 2016" (why should I reinvent the wheel if someone else has already made a beautiful guide?) there were tons of articles with varying opinions.

One article, in particular, was followed by extremely hurtful, bigoted and small-minded comments. There, in black and white social media, I watched Christians bite, sneer, and slander other Christians--and it made me angry and embarrassed to call them part of our faith family.

I sat there; horrified and furious at these people who appeared only as screennames and profile pictures... and then my computer chirped that a new e-mail had arrived. And Sojourners sent me the following conviction:

This is the message we have heard from [God] and proclaim to you, that God is light and in [God] there is no darkness at all. - 1 John 1:5

For myself, I find I become less cynical rather than more — remembering my own sins and follies; and realize that men's hearts are not often as bad as their acts, and very seldom as bad as their words. - J. R. R. Tolkien

Prayer: We rejoice in your light, O God. Help us to bask in the light of your love as it emanates from our neighbors and from the rest of your creation.

I was NOT looking fto be convicted of my own sins, but there it was. So now I'm praying for my own humility and non-judgment of others. Thanks General Conference prayer initiative. Thanks a lot.

(P.S. the e-mail came from Sojourner's 'Voice and Verse'. I definitely recommend it.)

Bold. 4 on the 4th

Someone shared this a long time ago but since it's part of today's reading, I had to post it:

Notes/reflections from Luke 4:

• on the temptations of Jesus in the wilderness: Food/comfort. Power/fame. Safety/self-reliance.
    Jesus is faithful ...but what are my temptations? And where do I fail?
• vv 16-40
  ...the people are fine with Jesus until he calls them out. They pat him on the head with nostalgia and appreciate his 'gracious words' --but when he suggests that all of them might not be faithful, they run him out of town. Courtesy turns to critique and they stop listening.
  Do I allow the Gospel to convict me? Am I open to critique from Christ? ...or is my faith safe?

Mostly, though, I keep noticing this theme of authority.

Jesus is matter-of-fact with the devil (leaning on the authority of Scripture). In Capernaum, the people are astounded at Jesus' teaching, "because he spoke with authority. ...He commands the unclean spirits, and out they come!’"

Similarly, Acts 4 opens with Peter and John "speaking the truth" while the temple leaders are "much annoyed."

On trial, the disciples are equally truthful and the leaders "saw the boldness of Peter and John and recognized them as companions of Jesus."

                     Boldness. 

                                    Wasn't it always a companion of Jesus?

The leaders realize they can't refute the disciples, so the command them not to speak.

                   ...so the disciples respond by praying for boldness.

(a prayer that I should totally pray more often)

‘Sovereign Lord, who made the heaven and the earth, the sea, and everything in them... grant to your servants to speak your word with all boldness, while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus.’ 

When they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God with boldness.

Lord, grant me boldness.
in life.
in word.
in deeds.
Help me to testify with great power to your resurrection.
so that great grace may be upon us all.

Deferential. 3 on the 3rd

Luke 3 (from The Message):

"the people were filled with expectation...wondering, 

“Could this John be the Messiah?”

But John intervened: “I’m baptizing you here in the river. The main character in this drama, to whom I’m a mere stagehand, will ignite the kingdom life, a fire, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out."

Acts 3
(After Peter and John heal a crippled man in the temple)

All the people ran to them, utterly astonished. 

When Peter saw it, he addressed the people, 

‘...Why do you stare at us, as though by our own power or piety we had made him walk? The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, the God of our ancestors has glorified his servant Jesus..."

Altarpiece by Matthias Grünewald

In both of these passages, we see incredible biblical figures turning attention away from themselves and towards their God. It's not about our power or our piety. It's about the God who works through and in us. ...and when God does wondrous things, then we have the opportunity to point others towards Christ! (or, as Rev. Dan Bell has said--'like John the Baptist in Grunewald's painting, we gave to give people the finger that points to Jesus').