My Lamentation

Preface:This came out as a completely honest prayer at the end of last semester and it's a lot easier to read now that things have worked out. But I'm posting this because I don't want to lose it--because I don't want to forget.

God,

It’s 7:20pm on a Sunday. I have two papers due tomorrow (one is a review and the other is a working table of exegetical notes) but the first hasn’t even been started and the second is far from finished.

My Bodies project is this week. Opens Thursday morning.  

I have to read all of Achebe by next week and write a 12-page exegetical paper (with a thesis) on Habakkuk.

Tax paperwork needs to be done like yesterday.

It’s a lot, I know. (and I know you know) but I was ok….I was managing and balancing. The bell curve of anxiety had reached a nice peak.

Until I crashed my car yesterday. Totaled it. As in, I almost died yesterday. I have no car—and it’s numb. The whole thing happened so fast: Swerve. Bang. Airbags. “I should hit the breaks”

I know it was just a car. I know that cars are replaceable and people are not. I’m thankful to be alive.

it’s just that…for the entire past month when I’d sit down to do finances, my great big consolation was “at least the cars are ok. As long as one of the cars don’t break down, we’ll be ok….”

And now? Gone.

Not broke.

                Gone.

I have an internship this summer with a 45 min commute each way. An 8,000 scholarshipped commute.

How the hell are we going to pay for this?? We can’t afford a new car. We can’t even afford to pay Matt’s 2,000 hospital bill! Not to mention professional clothes for the summer or a ticket to visit Josh when he’s home.

Insurance is going to go up. The tow company is going to have a bill. Insurance may not even reimburse anything….

God, I’m not usually a complainer (at least, I try not to be a complainer) but what the heck??!?!?! I can barely handle my normal schedule. I really, REALLY didn’t need this—not that I’m blaming you.

I just don’t know what to do.

Help? Please?

If nothing else, just help me get through these next few weeks.

Help me get through the rest of today. Give me the strength to focus on these papers—the strength to not worry.

We study Job and Lamentations for a reason.

Lord, hear my prayer.