I'll be honest: the loss of guaranteed appointments scares me.
I mean, ministry is scary enough, right? You put yourself out there. You jump through ordination hoops. You open your future to an itinerant system--not knowing WHERE you'll end up--but knowing, at least, that you'll have SOME kind of job. And that, no matter how tiny or creepy the parsonage, your family will have a place to live.
More than that, I liked knowing that I would always have a place to do ministry.
I can handle moving around. I've reconciled with that idea. But the possibility of NOT having a church? Or doing sixteen years of church ministry and then getting 'assigned' to unpaid church leave just because the conference needs to cut back on the budget? THAT thought is terrifying.
And I HATE the thought of doing local church ministry with one hand behind my back--one hand feverishly waving to the bishop and cabinet to make sure I get noticed.
Will I have to learn Spanish for the sake of job retention? (instead of learning Spanish for the sake of sharing the Gospel?) If something goes wrong in the conference, will I have to play it safe instead of speaking out?
Will this make us more competitive against one another? Will this become an excuse for ditching us before retirement? What if they simply don't like me?
...Some of these fears, I'll admit, are unwarranted and my rational heart knows good and well that this tiny detail is not going to derail the whole seeking-faith UMC system. Other jobs don't come with a guarantee, so why should this one?
However, the notion of 'popular ministry' where golden, vivacious, pastors rise to the top and the quiet faithful ones falls through the cracks and lose their appointments... THAT is a real and scary possibility (The United Methodist Church will have to work hard to avoid that) but if I'm walking out on faith, a little fear is probably a good thing, right?
It certainly makes the covenant prayer a more frighteningly beautiful reality.
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