A Sabbath Confession

Lord,
I know that sabbath is rest.
I know that you call us to re-center our time and our identity and our work ethic in You.

....but sometimes I feel like 'sabbath' is my excuse to be lazy. a retrospective name for procrastination
....sometimes 'sabbath' is a collapsing-curl-up on the couch or an eternal-clicking-into-the-internet

(something that spins me out of control instead of into it)

....but sometimes (also) the boundaries of deadlines and sermons seem much more pressing (and much more depressing) than that fourth commandment.
                         stress cries, "I don't have time to sabbath!"
                                                       ...and the words hang heavily. exhausted.

Sabbath itself seems like another one of those disciplines that need work in my life.

                                                                                                     

So I swing from one side to the other:

from 'laboring toiler' to 'sloth'
from 'exhausted' to 'unproductive'
...and each pushes me frantically (and guiltily) into the other

until

I realize 

that I can't do it.

not alone.

Lord teach me Your ways. Search me and know my sins--on both sides.

hem me in, behind and before and lay your hand upon me.

Lord, please free me from guilt and show me how to work in the Center. in the Still. 

in knowing, seeking

You.
(not me)
Amen.