A deeply honest prayer for a man in a coma

God, he squeezed my hand last week and I almost cried with joy!
And today, he opened his eyes
..but they didn't see. didn't focus.

Is this what it's like for you to wait on your people to be faithful?
Is this how you feel about the church, sometimes?
...waiting for us to wake up?

When I heard about the accident, I thought he had died.
I thought perhaps this is peace for him--freedom from his addictions

And then, when he made it through the first couple of surgeries, I thought Lord! What an opportunity! What a great way to bring restoration and power and testimony into his life!

And then I was afraid.
What happens if he DOES wake up?
What kind of therapy will he get?
What kind of pain will he be in?
How will the rehab facilities treat a homeless man without insurance or income?

But I prayed through it, God.
You know 'cause you were there:
           at that altar with Darryl.
           praying strength and hope and faith and resurrection.
          "We know you're not done working miracles." prayed Darryl.
                                                                                                   Amen!
                                                                                                   (I echoed)


But today, staring into those blank eyes,
                    seeing his un-seeing,
                    I am shaken again.

I DID have a moment of Holy Week connection:
Is he experiencing Holy Saturday?
That middle place between death and life?
...that in-between place of not-quite and still waiting? 

If so, then it means his resurrection still coming!

I want him awake and well.

I want him to know freedom and life in the fullest.

I want him back in our church with the powerful taste of grace on his lips.

And I know that you CAN.

God almighty,
Creator and redeemer of all things,
I know that you CAN bring restoration and healing.

...I just don't know if you will.

Lord have mercy!

I'm not sure that I know the difference between lack of faith and "Your will--not mine--be done"
(because sometimes they feel the same)

...and I don't want you to tell me 'no'

I don't want to be disappointed.

Because I want resurrection my way and in my timing...

So it might be selfish. I know.

But I want him to miraculously wake up.

So I'm asking. 

Please, Lord?