A letter for Prison Ministry...Following a conversation about being "soft"

To John and Chad and Tim and Bobby:

It’s been a while since we met at Yokefellows (I apologize for not writing earlier) but I want you to know that I havn’t forgotten. I can’t claim to know  you after such a brief time, but the met that I met seemed remarkable real and I pray for you often—thanking God for your faith, your strength, and your courage.

I want you to know that our conversation made me think, especially during Christmas. (Imagine that! A Divinity student thinking!) Christmas: it’s all about the manger and the birth of Jesus, right? Rather than a fighting saviour, we have Emmanuel—God who comes to us (with us) in an amazing act of grace. He’s a baby for Christ’s sake (literally).

Doesn’t this seem kind of weak? …soft even?

And it doesn’t end with Christmas. It’s all through the Bible:

“Blessed are the meek.” Matt 5:5
“When I am weak, I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
“Turn the other cheek.” Luke 6:29
“Forgive others.” Colossians 3:12-14

How does it fit? You can’t get much stronger than the all-powerful creator of the universe, but a man can be the biggest beefcake in the gym and still lack heart and guts, right? Behind all the power and the miracles, was Jesus just a wuss?

“Maybe Christianity is soft.” I started to think.

But I wasn’t satisfied with that. Growing up around carpenters, Jesus must have been physically strong. Heck, Jesus flipped tables in the temple and the soldiers in Gethsemene trembled just at the sight of him--falling to the ground (John 18:6). And he stood his ground when he was persecuted. He faced the cross like a man. Nothing weak about that.

And I keep thinking about the whole power thing and the miracle thing. God certainly had (has) the power. Why the manger? Why mercy? Why grace?

The more I think about it, the more I realize that it takes more strength to have power and choose not to use it (like self control takes more strength than acting out of anger) –the manger was a matter of choice. Rather than raging in anger towards us, God chooses to forgive. Rather than wiping us out, God chooses to wipe away our sins—and gives us the strength to move beyond them.

There’s nothing soft about that.

There is nothing weak about our God!

(and if it weren’t for our time together, I never would have thought about all of that. So thank you.)
Know that you are prayed for and that you all have touched this future-pastor’s heart.

With Christ’s Love,                                         

The Voice

Somewhere I thought someone told me that Calvin (or Luther?) had a problem with women preachers because their voices weren't loud enough....

...I found another blog (railing against female pastors, btw) which offered an audio version in either a male or female voice. I wonder why? Were males only supposed to listen to one while females listened to the other?

(from RevGalBlogPals) I have been getting slammed by my male coworker who tells me to do things that are not possible for a female voice to do - such as - more of a vocal range in pitch (hello - I'm female. I can't do low and gravelly and if I go too high, I sound shrill.)

(a comment on the same blog) Women create emphasis in different ways. I had a terrific speech professor in college who taught me that women can create emphasis by being softer instead of louder or intentionally speaking slower instead of faster. When you speak more softly, you can build back to "normal" and it is heard as if you were getting louder. The same professor talked about body movements and how we "hear" postures differently from men and women.

Palm Reading

We just finished a sermon series called “The Treasures of a Transformed Life” so after six weeks of talking about money, I decided to go for a more upbeat sermon....and chose to preach from the book of Revelation. 

In all seriousness, though, I think the book of Revelation gets a bum deal. It rarely gets preached and most of us avoid it because it seems too intense. Too scary. We hear the word ‘Apocalypse’ and think of violent Martin Sheen movies or bad sci fi…

…but an apocalypse (a revelation) is a vision –not a nightmare. Especially in the Jewish tradition, apocalyptic literature is about hope and assurance that in a battle between good and evil, God wins. Our book of Revelation is no different. It was written during a time of great Christian persecution. The Roman emperor Nero was brutally torturing and slaughtering thousands of Christians.  I don’t even want to think about how hard it would be to wake up and find that your whole church was killed, but I can imagine the questions that arose because we struggle with the same ones today:

Questions like, is God still God when people die? Is God still good when people suffer? Why do bad things happen to good people?

The book of Revelation speaks to these questions. It’s not a magic answer that explains everything
(How on earth do we expect to make sense of God when we can’t make sense of the world around us?)
…but I do think it helps.

Sure, God didn’t step in and stop the Emperor Nero. But God wasn’t silent either. During the persecution, into all of the suffering, God spoke to a man named John who was praying on an island called Patmos. And God must have studied education or something because, like a good teacher, God used visuals and repetition to drive home Revelation’s main point: which is that Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again. In other words, death isn’t the end. 

One of the images I find particularly compelling comes to us in chapter seven.

John looks up and sees a great crowd of witnesses too many to count—a ton of people from all over the world. All colors, all languages, standing before the throne of God.

Can you imagine what it would look like (what it would be like) to be this close to God’s throne? To stand alongside every Christian who ever lived?? That’s what the kingdom of God looks like…and that’s better than Duke Basketball.

Anyways, this great crowd is standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white with palm branches in their hands.

Palm Branches. (I swear, the strangest details jump out when I read the Bible…I read this passage the other day and all I kept wondering was ‘why the palm branches?’ If they didn’t mean something, they wouldn’t have been remembered, so what did they mean to John?)

Palm trees are actually mentioned quite often in the Bible—often symbolizing life:

·         They cover the Israelite temple to remind people of the Garden of Eden.

·         During the festival of booths (the Jewish celebration of harvest and thanksgiving) Leviticus instruct people to “rejoice with Palm branches”[1]

·         And in John, people waved palm branches to greet Jesus as Hosanna, king (Palm Sunday)[2]

But Palm branches were also part of Greco-Roman culture as signs of victory and triumph:

·         The Romans awarded palms to the champions of the games and they celebrated military successes with palm branches.

So when John tells people that this crowd was carrying palm branches, they don’t just look like a crazy mob with a bunch of sticks –they represented victory and life.

Furthermore, the Greek word for palm branch is phoinikes – like “phoenix”—that mythical bird who rises to life from ashes. These are God’s people who have risen from their suffering—risen from death. This crowd—this huge crowd shouting ‘Salvation belongs to God and the Lamb’—this crowd is eternally alive. That’s what the kingdom of God looks like.

Things like death, burn victims, the ICU, cancer, car accidents, starvation –these are not ok. They’re not part of God’s kingdom. And they’re not eternal. God’s kingdom is partially here because of what Christ has done, but it’s still coming. Eternity is coming.  

We’re also told that the people in this crowd have been through a great ordeal and that God is taking care of them. God is sheltering, guiding them and wiping away every tear from their eyes.’

When I picture this scene—God wiping away tears—it’s tender and gentle. The image comes straight from Isaiah (25:6-9 and 49:8-14) but notice what it's not saying....

            But it’s not saying that tears are bad. It’s not diminishing the pain or minimizing the suffering that has already happened. God gives space for grief.  

In this vision of redemption, It’s not like *snap* and all of a sudden, sadness isn’t allowed.

(don’t get me wrong—I don’t think God’s kingdom is a place of pain or sorrow. I do think it will be right and good in every sense of those words, but I don’t think God’s kingdom is about cheap, trite, or plastic happiness that covers everything up. I think it’s about peace.)

True peace only comes through healing. And sometimes healing hurts. Sometimes healing involves tears, but God promises that healing will come—that pain will end. This means that in the process—especially now--if we need to cry, let God be us. Because God is here—palms up—holding us close and gently wiping tears. God doesn’t cause suffering, but God is fully present in the midst of our sorrows.

So is God still God when people suffer? Is God still good? Yes and yes. God never leaves us.

Why do bad things happen? It’s because God’s kingdom isn’t here yet. It’s because, mostly, the world is still broken…but in Jesus, there’s hope for redemption.

I’m not going to pretend like this answer satisfies every one of our logical questions. It doesn’t explain everything, but I don’t think I would worship a god smaller than my understanding.

But I do worship the Alpha and Omega, the living one who wipes away our tears.

I do know that when you’re in a place of hurting or mourning or when you’re aching from the heart out, it’s  good to know that God cares. That God is present. And that God is bigger and stronger than anything we’ll ever face. When it feels like life is spinning out of control and nothing is steady, it might be just enough to be the kind of person who holds onto a palm branch and knows that God is victorious and that, as God’s people, we are never alone. More than anything, it’s important for us to remember that life matters and death isn’t the end.

Amen.

---

[1] Lev 23:40

[2] John 12:13

Religion is like ...a what?!?!

 "Religion is a questing after the more in life..." said Grant Wacker (quoting William James).

At least I thought it was William James but--trying to evade a misquote--I wanted confirm the quote's source with the omniscient google. (I confess it--I take notes with internet tabs open and ready. Guilty as charged.)

"Religion is..." I started, but before I could finish typing the quote, Google jumped to finish my sentence: "religion is like a penis!"

Normally, I'm a fan of the search-suggestion function, but I was a little taken aback. It's not a simile I would normally contemplate and I was torn between cracking up and gasping. Thankfully, since I was in the middle of class, I did neither.

After class (I didn't click the link in class just so you know) it turned out to be four lines of text--without images, thankfully--which were less offensive than anticipated. In general (but with more vivid syntax) it said that religion isn't something you should wave around in public or force onto others.

I'll be honest and admit that the vulgar juxtaposition of images was slightly amusing in a twisted, irreverent kind of way. I laughed (proud of myself for not being close-minded and religiously staunch) because I do find some truth in the statement. Religion isn't a topic that should be thrown carelessly into public conversation and I agree that, too often, faith is used as a weapon for superiority.

...but I was also a little offended. And it bothersome that it bothers me. Besides the obviously crude phallic imagery, the statement's tacit implication is that religion is a private matter. It's rude (possibly even shameful) to show your religion in public. Keep it hidden. 

And that's just selfish and wrong.

First of all, there is nothing shameful about faith. If the simile is correct in anything, it's that religion should become anatomically--dare I even say 'intimately'--part of your personal identity. It marks and shapes who you are as a person. If I mention my faith or read my Bible, it's because of who I am (who I am in Christ), and not in judgement of you. There's a huge difference between saying 'this is Christ in me' vs 'you suck and this is how you should change.' I'm not saying the latter, so instead of assuming offense, please listen. I'll try to do the same.


"So many people say that Christians are offensive and then turn around and offend Christians." said Angelo. "I always wonder where I should draw the line between standing up for my faith and taking insults in stride."

And secondly, it's a huge social/cultural misconception to assume that religion is a private matter.Once upon a time (before the great separation of church and state), religion was interwoven and fully integrated in everyday life. It served a civic function in the community and communal life grew with it....But now, it's almost like faith is a social accessory--a pashmina scarf--which adds flair when needed, but is easily removed (just in case). 

I'm not advocating papal rule and I think it's a good things that Baptism is no longer a requirement for citizenship, but should freedom of religion change religion itself? We've stepped so far away from the integration of church and state, that we've lost the communal aspect of Christianity. Religion is now limited to a certain time and place--like a grounded child banished to her room, or an abused wife who 'knows her place.' I'm being a bit melodramatic, but I do think that autonomous faith leads to consumerist worship and a non-committal church.

The bottom line is that religion is not a mantle I decide to take up for myself (or a cute little hat that I want every child to wear). It's not something I can take off  or turn off or hide so that others around me won't be offended. Christianity is a communal 'we' which--through the grace of God--is forming and informing the hope of me.

Trinitas...

What do you get when you combine loose biblical foundations with overly developed analytical scruples?
Centuries of ecclesial schism and trinitarian heresy!!! (But hey, now we have better creeds)

       ...and then Karl Barth returns in shining armour to 'rescue trinitarian theology from possible theological irrelevance.' (--Colle CCCD p136)

The free shining light is revealed and all is well on the Western front.

Running

Running and I have a love/hate relationship
(To be honest, Matt almost fell over when I told him I was going for a run.)

It was a Wednesday. And it was beautiful.
Soft socks, tank top, and yoga pants: I was a runner before I even left.
I stretched outside, submerging my body in the physical mentality.
Cool air—anticipating the rain and the almost-November
(and then Daniel came out of his apartment, and insecurity came rushing to attack the intruder of my solitude so I kept stretching until he left me)
…Alone.
No turning back.
I kept my footfalls gentle, pace slow:
 Tp tp tp tp tp.
The pavement was damp and I’m sure my footsteps were echoing somewhere.
 Innnnnnnnn (through the nose). Out (two three).
I kept breathing.
Tiny specks of water prickled my shoulders
Keep running.
Breath tightened. Heart Pounded.
Tp tp tp tp tp
My weakness began to burn.
So I walked
And noticed.
I’ve never felt so still while moving
Or so moved by slowing down.
The world paused with me, poised in thought and strolling by.
A gnarled fir tree suddenly felt like Christmas
(we don’t get those in Florida)
but it was time to reclaim my pace
tp tp tp tp tp tp
out-of-the-road-caution-car
(what if he stops and comes towards me?)
::shake the thought::
Keep running.
Tp tp tp…tp..…tp.
The garbage cans sparkled with raindrops
Garbage bins? beautiful?
One more sprint and I’m home!
Dust off the raindrops and curl up.

I love running, but next time I’ll probably forget.

My Lamentation

Preface:This came out as a completely honest prayer at the end of last semester and it's a lot easier to read now that things have worked out. But I'm posting this because I don't want to lose it--because I don't want to forget.

God,

It’s 7:20pm on a Sunday. I have two papers due tomorrow (one is a review and the other is a working table of exegetical notes) but the first hasn’t even been started and the second is far from finished.

My Bodies project is this week. Opens Thursday morning.  

I have to read all of Achebe by next week and write a 12-page exegetical paper (with a thesis) on Habakkuk.

Tax paperwork needs to be done like yesterday.

It’s a lot, I know. (and I know you know) but I was ok….I was managing and balancing. The bell curve of anxiety had reached a nice peak.

Until I crashed my car yesterday. Totaled it. As in, I almost died yesterday. I have no car—and it’s numb. The whole thing happened so fast: Swerve. Bang. Airbags. “I should hit the breaks”

I know it was just a car. I know that cars are replaceable and people are not. I’m thankful to be alive.

it’s just that…for the entire past month when I’d sit down to do finances, my great big consolation was “at least the cars are ok. As long as one of the cars don’t break down, we’ll be ok….”

And now? Gone.

Not broke.

                Gone.

I have an internship this summer with a 45 min commute each way. An 8,000 scholarshipped commute.

How the hell are we going to pay for this?? We can’t afford a new car. We can’t even afford to pay Matt’s 2,000 hospital bill! Not to mention professional clothes for the summer or a ticket to visit Josh when he’s home.

Insurance is going to go up. The tow company is going to have a bill. Insurance may not even reimburse anything….

God, I’m not usually a complainer (at least, I try not to be a complainer) but what the heck??!?!?! I can barely handle my normal schedule. I really, REALLY didn’t need this—not that I’m blaming you.

I just don’t know what to do.

Help? Please?

If nothing else, just help me get through these next few weeks.

Help me get through the rest of today. Give me the strength to focus on these papers—the strength to not worry.

We study Job and Lamentations for a reason.

Lord, hear my prayer.